fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
