I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
