im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
