I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
