How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You're like the curious george of whores
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
