I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
