I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
