Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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