not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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