im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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