im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
