There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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