the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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