i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
