Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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