I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
