Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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