I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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