drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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