went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
