wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize