so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
