i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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