Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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