She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
