im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up under a house in Key West
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