marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
