Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
