I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize