i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They took my balls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
