matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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