the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
