I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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