pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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