she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
