He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
