Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
