I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
