you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ttyl tear gas
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
