just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
