wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
