I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You need Xanax blowdarts
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
