i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
