I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
