So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
