I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just invented taco cereal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
