Little spoons don't ask big questions
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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