he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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