Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
