Me too!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
