Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If that was your dad, he is hot
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
