last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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