So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
