dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
