Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
