thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
