The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
