You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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