i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I see more hoeing in ur future
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