please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
