Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
