When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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