i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Bring me that man meat
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
