The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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