I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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