am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
