tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
