He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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