I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
