We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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