honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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