Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
