I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
