no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
