I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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