Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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