The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
