The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
