Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
