My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
