So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
