when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
