He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
