K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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