I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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