He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
