Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
