Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
