That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize