This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
