Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
