I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
