you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
