I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
