do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize