the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
