My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
