Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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