Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
