Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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