I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
