So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
