Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
