So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize