You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize