I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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