A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
