Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
