All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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