After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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